Frankly, this book baby was an accidental pregnancy of sorts. It wasn’t planned. I didn’t intend to write a book to share my story of utilising my own trauma and abuse as gateways to Spiritual Awakening. I'd never really considered myself a real writer, though I fancy myself to be a poet, an accomplished songwriter, and sometimes writer of romantic, soft porn longings. But a bona fide writer? And a writer of some seriously dark non-fiction with a spiritual-awakening-wake-the-hell-up slant? Where I out some of the most egregious soul-sucking trauma-inducing evil acts perpetrated by humans, and then offer up my own trauma deactivating version of energy healing?
No fucking way.
The third-party inspiration to write this book, arrived amidst an intensive Absolute Balanced Mastery™ Energy Healing Practitioner Training I was facilitating, when one of my client/students made the proclamation that I had to write a spiritual book and tell my story because the world-at-large desperately needed easy access to my reality of utilising my brand of energy healing to deactivate and dissolve trauma and abuse, thus allowing human pain and suffering to evolve into gateways to Spiritual Awakening a.k.a. waking the fuck up.
Truthfully, I was taken aback by her boisterous decree, silently shaking in trepidation of being publicly exposed. I kept my abuse and trauma distance healing, my healing stones and healing crystals, energy healing classes, and spirituality world on the downlow because the medical intuitive energy healing sessions I facilitate are considered by most folks—rather strange to very bizarre, even to holistic medicine and spiritual healing camps. I've been trolled by doctors and other healing practitioners as to the nature of my work, and have had to inadvertently justify and defend my work, as if I were defending a doctoral dissertation, even though the nature of my work has its emphasis on the client/patient being their own healer, with me merely facilitating the gap between illness and wellness.
For years, as I wrote this book, I tossed and turned, sleepless in a cold sweat, freaking out over the prospect of not only sharing my deeply spiritual healing work and teachings, based on nearly 17 years (at the time) of working privately and in small to medium-large groups with clients and students worldwide, but now my personal life, my own personal healing of sex abuse, and my very private spiritual awakening journey would have to be disseminated as well.
YIKES! And a big in-your-face-game-on in your 50s!
Fortunately, Divine Design already had me actively speaking and teaching energy healing classes, so much of the content of the book was actually transcribed from many, many hours of recorded speaking engagements and teaching seminars. My beautiful, brilliant, Parisienne Virtual Assistant—Sabine, worked her magic. She transcribed hours and hours of recordings, deciphered my longhand scribbles from stacks of legal pads, and organised the whole shebang into a massive 700+ page-first draft Word document.
Merci beaucoup, Sabine.
I felt the weight of The Divine calling me to spill it— like it was my moral obligation to tell-it-like-it-is, showing from my firsthand experience: Yes! You can utilise energy healing and emerge Victorious from trauma-based mind control/sex abuse and spiritually awaken. Since being Spiritually Awake is our natural state, any pretense of "special-ness" attached to it is New Age Bullshit, and has to go.
The process required the recapitulation of every awful memory of abuse and trauma I suffered. I literally found myself on my hands and knees crawling through rotting remains—timeless in the graveyard of my past. Every time I recounted the revolting bits and pieces of my story, I found myself in the throes of negative emotions and full-on bodily distress; vomiting often and crying myself to sleep.
Each unpleasant rediscovery literally took me months to recover and regain my equanimity. My two Norwegian Forest Cats—AK-47 and Mitter Rufus—would often literally push me off the couch so that I would take a break from my hours and hours of re-writes and additions on my pc, which sat on my tv tray of a desk.
Revisiting my past was the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever chosen to do. I still had to work and tend to my private practice and students; at the very least, appear to have my shit together. No one had a clue.
Moreover, the process went completely against my own teachings and healing facilitation with my clients, who are for the most part, victorious survivors of the most horrific of trauma-based mind control through rape, sex abuse, torture, and satanic ritual abuse. They stand centered in their power and victorious because they were fully able to tell their stories, write and mete out details of their suffering through journaling and storytelling, but once their stories were completely told, it was imperative to STOP repeating them, and open to telling a new and different story—a story of dominion, success, and transcendence.
Applying the same loving client care to myself, I literally hand held all my badly wounded and re-traumatised selves back from the nightmare of re-living the evils of my own experiences, and then had to piece myself into wholeness once again. I obtained a loving appreciation for my life’s journey.
Ten years after its accidental inception, shortly after my 55th birthday (it’s Never too Late and you’re Never Too Old), I completed this longtime chapter of sharing my life story of drawing up healing my trauma and abuse and my pain and suffering as gateways to waking up—finally cradling my fully-birthed book baby.
I was the glowing proud momma of a big and beautifully daring book after an eternity of exhausting, painful, hard labour.
I felt waves of softening relief move through my body, and Sabine whispered to me over Skype, “Voilà, maman, voilà! May you and book baby shine light upon the dark evils of humanity, inspiring Love, healing, and the remembering of our Divinity.”
Afterwards, I closed Skype on my pc and suddenly felt a sense of anxiety mixed with excitement and fear, “OMFG, what have I done?”
I heard a voice whisper from the ethers, “Remember this moment...”
Thank you for reading along and for your support. If you enjoyed this post, please share it, and if you received some insights and/or medicine from it, please share your wisdom.
All my love and blessings, Marja